Sometimes we are HONEST…Pardon the interruption.
Have you all heard about the Love Your Spouse Challenge going around Facebook? Post a loving picture of you and your spouse for seven days and challenge someone else to do the same. When I first saw that I had been challenged to share, my first thoughts were I don’t have any pictures that I even want to post. For a good part of our marriage I’ve been overweight and I haven’t wanted to take pictures.
Any pictures that get taken are usually of our son. Plus, I’m not usually on Facebook. Quite honestly, I really don’t like Facebook. I got my post up the first day but by Day 2 when I couldn’t get the photo to post on Facebook using my phone, I got frustrated so I missed that day. On Day 3, I decided to just post Day 2-7 all at one time. I found pictures from our recent trip out west and pictures from when we first got married. I had a nice little photo montage of captured “loving” moments.
Then my husband pissed me off and I deleted the post. I decided to blog a replacement challenge. The REAL Love Your Spouse Challenge. The real challenge is not in these loving captured moments. The challenge is when your husband promises your child that he can go on a trip that the two of you have not discussed. When you tell your child that he can’t go because you miss hanging out with him and he loses his mind crying. And you look like the bad parent because Dad said he could go and Mom said no. And then your child sends you a text that says “You hurt my feelings very Bad” with 7 crying emoji faces after it. The REAL love is even though you want so badly to choke your husband for making you the bad guy once again when your child already thinks that you’re the harder parent BUT you don’t. Instead you keep your tears to yourself and wait for the anger to pass.
That love is rarely captured on camera because that’s messy and who wants to pull out a camera during those times. Marriage is messy and although you have those sweet moments when you can stick your head up from the trenches and capture that loving glance or heart felt embrace, let’s be real. Most of our pictures should show us giving our spouse the side eye or flicking them off behind their backs or they should have Qbert- like expletive bubbles in them. Because in those moments when you really just don’t want to be bothered with that person or like I said you want to choke them, you still love them. When you chose to stay and fight another day, that’s love. And you don’t capture those moments on film.
My love languages are Gifts and Acts of Service. That’s how I feel loved. My husband’s love languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch and our son is a combination of our love languages, with the exception of the Acts of Service. We have tons of pictures of us embracing our son but the real love is when I hold him in my arms and “sleep” upright so that he can breathe because when he lies down his nose clogs. I’ve got no pictures of those moments. I can think of so many other moments when I knew that my husband loved me because he did something for me that only a nurse would do and vice versa. I only have a snapshot in my mind of the cop at our car window warning my husband that he was going way too fast as we drove our son to the ER because he vomited blood after just having surgery on his tonsils. I guess I could have pulled out a camera but with current situations that might not have gone down well.
So I challenged myself to go through my pictures and find those images of REAL love. Messy love. Hard love. This is our love. Although I appreciate the challenge, haven’t we all been feed the “fairytale” of marriage that’s most often captured in these pictures popping up in the challenge? Don’t we owe it to those couples that haven’t made that commitment to show them what marriage is really like? Marriage is hard and if I had to do it all again, I wouldn’t. But I did and I meant it. I love my husband. My favorite REAL love photo of him is from the day our son was born. You see that huge knot on his forehead? He got that because he walked into the edge of solid metal door that was obscured by a curtain because he was going to get the nurse so that she could do something to make me feel a little more comfortable during labor. He hit hard but he took it like a trooper and that’s love.